Firstly, I should say that if you haven’t watched the latest Star Wars movie: The Rise of Skywalker, and you are still intending to: stop reading this. This blog post has spoilers. Plus, the cake photo is incidental. A filler as such. Continue at your own disappointment.

Our disappointment first.

‘What the actual ****? They were the ultimate power couple. They even had powers.’

So said Delphine to me. She said it because I was the only other person still up with her, watching the last in the latest trilogy of Star Wars, Rise of Skywalker. This being thanks to Jason, our movie man. The rest of Quest had long retired to bed – at about hour three into the movie.

It’s the second time Delph and I have been disappointed by a bum ending in recent weeks. Delph in particular took the end of La La Land very seriously indeed. Delph and I do like a satisfying romance. 

‘Why couldn’t they just be together?’ she repeated for two days afterwards. Even now, when I bring La La Land up, she scowls and says, ‘Stupid movie.’ 

I say this about the latest in the series of Star Wars because no way I think they’re going to end the Star Wars franchise. Not on that note. I mean, if it was the 1980s and we had Return of the Jedi again, then maybe. Everyone was happy at the end of that movie. Then, the characters we’d been invested in managed to stay alive and have satisfying endings. The audience got to imagine them having a happy life together.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that Return of the Jedi was the best in that trilogy. Empire Strikes Back will always be my favourite. Still, the ending of the first Star Wars trilogy had its place. We could re-watch the rest knowing everything was going to be fine. 

Is it too much to ask for in this day and age? A happy and uncomplicated ending? The Ewoks do appear at the end of the Rise of Skywalker – for all of about four seconds. No trying to cajole us, movie producers. You stole the ending. Literally. Stuck it in your cars and went out and buried it in the desert. 

I have to leave it there. If I carry on any longer, I will be the Karen figure that Lulu keeps accusing me of being. And on this note, I want to say that I like most women called Karen I meet. This name/meme thing is pure coincidence.

Movie-wise, things are just not that simple. We seem to no longer have a Star Wars ending which we all secretly want. The guilty romantic pleasure one. But.. hold on. If you’re going to kill off the last of the bloodline Skywalkers, then why call this movie Rise of the Skywalkers?

It just doesn’t make sense. Ok, ok! I’m stepping down. Urghh. Anyway, Delph hated it too. We were both invested. 

Next on the agenda.