Since Lulu pronounces Zakopane Zak-O-pan-E, instead of the normal emphasis on the a’s in the word, I decided she needed a t-shirt with Zakopane written on it. Hard to find. Eventually we saw some in Zakopane’s sex shop. Well, half-sex shop, half-record store. Plus t-shirts and leggings. The shop lady wore a lot of metal. Earrings, rings, goofy smile. Her colleague was large with spiky grey hair.

We bought the t-shirt and started to roll out of the store. My grandma made it to the outside step, caught her foot and made the instinctive move to sit down. She fell back onto Delphine. They were like dominoes. With a shocked crunch, Delphine smacked her back on the doorframe.

Suddenly the big lady from the sex shop was outside. She picked Delphine up and said, ‘Come inside.’ She got a cold drink out of the fridge and put it on Delphine’s back. Although grateful, I couldn’t help being a little disappointed she didn’t produce a chilled dildo.