Sleep Fuzz

Sometimes I wake up and have no idea who anyone is. I’m not the only person to get this, right? It’s like a thick cover of sleep fuzz settles in my head. All the while, I know who I am but I don’t know who the people are around me. And what am I doing on a boat with them? I had it last night, waking up in the night. It’s a little unnerving to say the least. Like a complete, temporary amnesia.

Here’s the thing. Even though I don’t know who my family are at that moment, I have a very clear sense of them. Not in the sense of how they’re related to me or each other, but who they really are. I imagine it’s like spying their energy fields. Their stripped-down souls. It’s a bizarre experience but at the same time it’s also pretty wonderful – as if glimpsing life at its core. Then my memory kicks back in. Names and lives and histories and relationships. Everything takes shape again.

In a similar way, I realise I’m trying to take shape of this trip. Writing it down feels like visual fields going in-depth and coming back out, searching for a big picture. Overall, Jack and I are enjoying it more than any other. Even though Trinidad has been more of a slog than we’d have wished for. We were hoping to explore the island, but the reality is we’ve been settling in, battling homesickness and a bit of heartbreak to boot. Always learning that things take time.

It’s nice too that our kids are that bit older. Kids who love their own cabins, and expect and thrive with a bit of privacy. Meanwhile, we are all trying to be better people with each other. Supporting and forgiving when things don’t go to plan. To forgive, we’ve set down as recent requisite, means instantly accepting the apology and moving straight on. No exceptions allowed. Ha! None of us have ever achieved it before – well, at least not at the same time.

If we can continue in this way, then Quest will be worth more than any sea sailed. Any beach visited, any physical achievement. It will be in our very energy fields – and available to view via sleep fuzz.

Here’s to amnesia. Well, the temporary kind.

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