My mum wants me to tell you about her kayaking since she’s arrived on Quest. We’re still busy counting down her five symptomless days, but that’s another story. May the raw garlic be with us all.

I realised I could write about her kayaking in two different ways – from her perspective, or mine. I wrestled and then thought, eureka! I can write it in both. I’ll start with hers.

Firstly, Alicia is doing it – even though it scares her. It’s true – kayaking in an inflatable kayak in a decent swell, against the wind is pretty scary. Especially if you don’t like deep water. Alicia knows it’s good exercise though. She knows that kayaking will make her feel fit and healthy. She came to Quest to feel fit and healthy. She stares down at the kayak, swinging gently from the back of Quest. Smiling at her. Alicia takes a determined breath. Let’s go.

Here comes my perspective. ‘Look, Ma – it’s easy. Come this way onto the transom. Sit down. No, don’t try and jump – just sit down. Sitting is the easiest way. Then you can shuffle yourself in. No, no – you really have to sit. Remember all those years we spent mountain climbing in the Tatras? When it was one big exercise in the bum shuffle? That’s it, nice and slowly. Sit down.’

She gets into the kayak. No problem at all. I get in after her. Jack passes us the paddles. Alicia stares into the rolling, stirred-up sea.

‘Shall we go into the lagoon where the fancy houses are?’

‘Place in the Sun land? I thought you’d never say.’

With this, we paddle to the shore and go round the inside of Port St. Charles. Turtles bask in the marina entrance in the morning sun. After we reach the shelter of the wind, we take a break from paddling and float along. We do what all proud British people do. Stare at the waterside property. Have a good old nose.

We consider it. The communal pool is a bit small for the money, but the bougainvillea lining the properties is properly luscious. Still. Would we really want to live here? I mean, at this point we imagine we had the money of course.

The townhouses are nice and the accompanying moorings certainly handy, but wouldn’t a person get bored? Do they have green monkeys coming into the gardens like the rest of Barbados? Or is it all about keeping up with the Jones’?

We keep going. Paddle along. Taking at look at it all from the outside. Could do this forever.