Dive Correspondent

Would anyone want a segment of the evening news to have a quick underwater update? It could be the last part before the weather – or even after the weather.

It could go something like this:

Newsreader: ‘So, let’s go to our regular update with the underwater world. Here to join us is our dive correspondent. ‘Where are you tonight?’

Of course, in the background, Jack would have just finished bossing me about. ‘Put your mask on properly, your regulator hose is twisted, did you turn your air on?’

Breathe. Quick smile at the camera. I say, ‘Yes, hello, tonight we are live from the west coast of Bonaire – on a calm and quiet night.’

Newsreader: ‘And what treasures from the deep did you manage to find us?’

Wipe wet hair from my eyes. ‘I can report that tonight we were followed by a number of large tarpon fish. They look like six-foot long silver brooches. We descended by Something Special’s yellow dive buoy, made headway south along the reef wall. Reached a maximum depth of around 20m.’ Point back towards marina entrance. ‘We finished by investigating the underwater rocks lining the marina entrance behind us, Bob.’ Of course, it’s Bob.

Bob looks a little bored. ‘Tarpon, you say? These are large fish, yes?’

‘Correct. Tonight there were at least four adult-sized individuals. They use our torchlight to hunt for their prey. They get so close to you, up and down and to the side of you, that indeed it becomes impossible not to feel part of their gang.’

Bob frowns a little. ‘You don’t feel threatened by these large fish in any way?’

Good question. Gulp. ‘Perhaps if they had rows of sharp teeth like sharks do then we would, Bob. After all, at 6-feet-long, they can reach a similar size to a Caribbean reef shark. Luckily though, tarpon have mouths which are lined with a rough form of sandpaper, rather than teeth. I do suppose that if they wanted to harm a person, especially in their pack-style formation, then they could. They are certainly large and strong enough to inflict some kind of damage.’ One final big breath and another smile for the camera. ‘Luckily they are only interested in our lights – to find their own dinners.’

Lift torch up to empahasise. Bob nods. ‘Well thank you. Tomorrow we can drop you in a murder of sharks and see what happens there.’

End of dive correspondent. I’m just making that part up. Hehe. Well, all of it. Except for the fact that we did dive last night and we did get followed around by a large troupe of tarpon. The rest is a fiction though. Unless anyone is hiring?

Dream job.

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