Back to Balls

Balls, calls, halls, walls. Here I was thinking about the other life we have, and then in a fell swoop, it’s back to normal today.

We’re in our kitchen/office/schoolroom. Outside the world is on the move. Storm Diana (isn’t it cute that they name our hoolies these days) is raging outside. Every once in a while, a rush of extra wind threatens to pull our porch plastic roof off. Not that we really notice. This is Borth in the winter.

‘He’s has balls of energy, no?’ I say. I’m referring to Theseus from the Minotaur myth. After focusing on the terrifying aspects of the Minotaur for a couple of weeks, Delph’s InterHigh English class has shifted to the hero. Now she has to write a descriptive piece about Theseus. Hence the balls of energy… wait, is that appropriate? Huh. Oh well, it is internet school.

Delph gives me that look. ‘I’m going to either hope that I get inspired with knowledge or that you’re going to fill me in.’

I know this look well.

‘Bu,’ she says.

‘No, that would be bull,’ I say.

She smiles impishly. ‘Bo?’

Shake my head.


I sigh. This is the bluffing limit. After three guesses, the stats say that she just goes for it .

‘Bai? Bau? Be?’At this stage she’ll just guess anything but the right answer. It’s pretty uncanny really. And I’ll have to stop her or she’ll just keep going.

I know it isn’t easy. I explain the ‘a’ that doesn’t really sound like an ‘a’ anyway. Damn you English language. I’ve explained this before. Delph sighs too – and it’s definitely a more relieved sigh than what came out of my mouth moments before. All is good. We’re back on track.

We talk some more about Theseus. You know, since shooting the shit over this Ancient Greek demi-god is a breeze since we’ve become such Percy Jackson heads. We love the irreverent way these books are written… with the endless Greek myth storytelling as the thick, crunchy base. It’s like Diary of the Wimpy Kid meets the history of the British monarchy. All that intrigue made emotionally accessible… hold on, what’s that you say? This is already done.. and it’s called Horrible Histories? Oh yeah. Dammit. I knew there was a reason I haven’t released a bestseller… yet!

Anyhow, Delph listens to the Percy Jackson audiobooks.. and still does.. but I also the books out loud to her. They are too hard-going for her to read to herself yet. Maybe not much longer though since we are working away like little Welsh trolls in our bungalow bunker. As the wind curled around crusting salt on our windows and looked for what it could steal (the greenhouse door it turned out)… we carried on working.

‘So Delph, maybe we should say the bit about how Theseus gets so bored easily, he climbs the palace walls.’

Delphine chewed on her pencil. ‘Ok. How do you spell walls?’

I looked at her. ‘Remember we just did it.. with balls? It’s the same thing.’

The smile came back. The same impish smile. ‘Wu?’

My smile faltered. I tried to keep it going though and shook my head slightly. ‘Try again.’


My smile felt like bad glue now. ‘Try again.’

‘Oh I know! Wa… u.’ Crap. Three guesses. The stats were out.

Bless you Delphine. This is the reality that makes me want to run screaming off into the storm. Cerebral palsy. Balls and Walls. Balls and Walls my friends.


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