Time Keeps on Slipping

Anxiety crept up last night. Questions became shadows.

Did we do the right thing? Question one. Should we have let the altercation between Lulu and these kids slide unmentioned into the past? Question two. Since we didn’t, are we going to lose friendships now with Lulu’s friend and her parents? Was everything that was said from our end correct? When their kid writes to your kid and says they did nothing wrong, is it nerve-holding time? Do you dig in or let go?

I’ve never been one for proper battles – the anxiety is a killer – but then I do like to stand up for what’s right. It’s a bad combo. When a group of kids call someone up to say that they have no friends, that’s not banter. When you’re saying a friendly hi to someone at someone else’s house and they call you a c***, that’s not banter either. I know what I know. It’s the projection into the future which rips apart this glue. A jangle of mean nerves.

I dreamt last night I was in this department store. My father-in-law was there and my girls too. Lulu and I were buying glasses. We kept losing my father-in-law until he came out of a shop holding a long runner rug. It was pink and shiny. He grinned at me. ‘It’s perfect.’

My dream moved forward, chopping and changing. Suddenly someone was being executed by a gang in another store. I was hiding behind a heavy exit door. An arm came around to grab me. Side note: I always get caught in my dreams. It’s a real bummer. ‘You didn’t think you’d escape?’ this voice said.

Well, obviously not. The dream changed again. I was outside the department store with Delphine. We were sitting in the darkness in this old-fashioned city scape, dangling our legs off a tall stone building. At the end of the street was a large clock tower. Below us a man came running down the street.

‘Hold your breath,’ Delphine said, pointing to him. ‘This means that time is going to start all over again.’ I did what she said. We both held our breaths, turning our faces into round chipmunk cheeks. The man made a huge leap into the sky towards the building, He reached for the hands of the clock tower and a huge flash of light burst out, Back To the Future style.

I sat up in bed. Did time really just re-start? Wait a minute I thought. Is anxiety actually time slowing down? That terrible sense of panic and doom, like everything is crashing on top of you. There’s no forward movement anymore. With this, The Steve Miller Band song, Fly Like an Eagle flew into my headMy cousin Kryp and I used to sing it when we were kids. It was one of those songs – in the car, round the house, like a musical tic. The lyric ‘Time keeps on slipping.. ’ was on constant repeat. It fascinated us. It still regularly pops into my head. Popped in just now.

I want to fly like an eagle
To the sea
Fly like an eagle
Let my spirit carry me

Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
Into the future

– Steve Miller Band

Where did the time go? Time to get up.


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