If You Can’t Beat ‘Em

Then again this is the man who, until shockingly recently, thought that raisins came from raisin trees. Can never eat a raisin without remembering this – the look on Jack’s face. ‘What do you mean there isn’t a raisin tree?’ Ahhh. Magic.

We were watching an old couple drift around the Quality Inn breakfast room like they weren’t there. This couple too probably lost their home and possessions in Hurricane Dorian.

‘Take a good look,’ I said to Jack, ‘that’ll probably be us one day.’

Jack frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, we do live between the sea and the peat bog. And the glaciers are all melting.’

Jack shrugged. ‘True. Tre’r-ddol will be called “Tre’r-ddol-by-Sea”. They’ll look at us Borth refugees and put the prices up.’

‘Good for them,’ I replied. ‘At least there will be people who’ll want to live there. And I’ll be like, “Great job, J, we finally did up the bungalow and look what happened.”’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Yeah, you’ll still be complaining.’

Savage. And fair point. With this, it was time to go to the gun shop. Well, not a dedicated gun shop, but an enormous outdoors store. Camping, fishing, hunting, guns.

I wanted to buy some turtle cushions for Quest’s cockpit. We’d seen them on the way to London and I swore we’d return. Plus, I really like the sign that tells the customers to case their guns at the counter. At least just while you go in and buy more guns.

All in all, this is the craziest-looking store we’ve ever seen. There’s an actual waterfall in the middle, with huge fish swimming in the pool below. They stare at you through the aquarium glass. Above them are stuffed American fauna. Mountain lion, raccoons, wild pig. Snakes and squirrels. Heads of gigantic deer and models of monster-sized fish line the whole store like a natural history museum.

But can you buy a solar charger here? We were looking for one for Quest. It made us wonder – how long do these customers go into the wilderness for? Just until their phone/iPad/laptops die. Time to go home then?

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